So I rode an Icelandic horse pony today! I can now cross it off on my 101 things I should do but probably wont in Iceland. And because I am feeling so fortunate to have had such a wonderful opportunity today, I want to write a how-to-ride-an- Icelandic-pony post.
1. Before you even get on a horse. Make sure to carefully evaluate all your available horse options. Now, your gut feelings may lead you to the horse that looks the strongest and fittest; a horse that looks like what you might picture a stallion look like. Well don't listen to your gut feeling, it has not the faintest idea of what a real stallion is. Instead choose the fattest sausage shaped horse in the coral. The ideal horse would be like the one I rode today: obese and midget sized. It's name was Black, because it was black...in color. As one can tell, the horse owners were really creative with the names.
2. After jumping up on your sausage horse, the next thing you will want to do is follow directly behind a horse that was fed at least 15 bean and cheese burritos the night before. By doing this you will surround yourself with the sweet smell of success, and by success I mean poo, and by poo I mean of the best smelling kind of poo. And if you happen to develop a cold while riding near the Artic Circle, don't worry. Not even your stuffy nose could dodge these potent fragrances.
3. Once you get going make sure to give your horse some freedom. Imagine that the reigns are like shackles; if you were to pull tightly on the reigns you would be worse than the guards from Abu Griab. So be like an American, and set your horse free. Have one hand loosely holding the reigns, and if you want you can close your eyes momentarily. In today's experience I only needed to blink once for my horse to take me off the beaten path. We definitely took the road less traveled and I was all the more thankful, until Black decided that he/she wanted to run through low standing trees, and their branches too.
4. After letting your horse be the person that they want to be, there comes a time when some discipline is needed. Discipline is only needed when your riding group is so far ahead of you that you can no longer even see the instructor that is supposed to be at the back of the line. So most times you will probably have to discipline your horse. I disciplined Black by kicking his sides with my feet. Horses generally respond only to factors of ten. So don't expect to get a response from your horse after just 70 kicks. If after 200 kicks your horse still doesn't respond then you might have a real problem, and if that is the case I can't help you. Luckily for me by the 70th kick, Black finally responded, and picked up the pace so that in no time we were back in line with the rest of our group.
* Side note: If you notice that your horce is motor boating with its lips, what your horse is trying to tell you is that it hates you, and hopes that your numb feet never regain feeling. Don't take this insult personally; after all it does have to carry your big butt in 10 F weather for at least an hour.
5. Lastly, once your ride comes to an end, jump off the horse and quickly run away. Most likely your horse hates you, and hopes to kick you in the groin if you dare loiter near her/him.
For those of you who have never ridden an Icelandic horse, I highly recommend you following my guide. It will save you a lot of time and frustration.
Your not-a- horse-expert-at-all,
Natalie
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